To Remember is Human No Comments

As I am now entering the tenth year of my journey as a parent who has experienced the death of a child, I realize that my perspective on many things related to life and death have changed. Today (3/3/12), I had this revelation about the expectations that we place on remembering. In this context, I am referring to those individuals who don’t acknowledge our children on those special days such as birthdays and angelversary dates. I started pondering this when a friend of mine (and one whom loved Jeannine…

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The Journey of Grief: When the Pain Subsides No Comments

It has now been nine months since my wife died. The days of intense and constant pain have subsided to occasional waves of sadness and tears. There are times when I wonder where I am on the journey and if I am too far away from my feelings and therefore should be in more pain. I have to realize that the many years of working with hurting people has made it much harder for me to feel or show emotions. My tears seem to stop on the back side of my eyes. Some of the lack of emotional outburst or in burst…

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The Fear of Forgetting No Comments

When my daughter died just after turning four years old, one of my biggest fears has been that she will be forgotten. But lately, I’ve been asking myself what does that really mean? What am I really scared of? The idea that she will be forgotten is actually two separate fears. The first is that due to the notion of “out of sight, out of mind”, friends and even family will stop thinking of her and, in essence, “forget her”. In reality, this is the natural course of life. I have beloved relatives and dear friends…

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Be “Present” in Your Grief and Loss: Avoid Prolonged Mourning No Comments

Grief has no time limits or boundaries and will last for a lifetime, as you will always mourn the loss of time spent with a loved one who has left a footprint in your heart. Therefore, how you embrace your grief journey will have direct impact on your recovery. The best approach is to work through your grief in a timely manner: addressing your emotions, understanding the loss and learning how to incorporate the emptiness into your daily activities. In essence, the key is being present in your grief…

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LOSS AND LOVE: Transcending the Loss of a Spouse to New Love No Comments

The unimaginable has happened and you are a widow or widower. Mourning your loss has been the focus of your life for the past year or two. Finally, as you begin to surface from your profound grief, with a deep breath and lot or a little trepidation you find yourself falling in love again. Is this new relationship fraught with landmines? You bet! Here are important stepping stones to help keep you afloat along the way, Do’s and Don’ts as it were for widows/widowers…

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The Promise Of New Life No Comments

As far as we could see there were trees stripped bare of their bark, lying neatly arranged like matchsticks on the sides of the mountains. As we came around a bend, we noticed a big sign and an overlook so we stopped. The sign told us we were at the site of what had been a large lake that once had a beautiful resort overlooking it. We could see where the lake had been, but there was no lake, and there was no resort. It was hard to fathom the kind of power that could do that. Farther on there was a place…

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Re-Claiming Joy No Comments

When my husband and I first found each other, we experienced a joy unlike any we had ever known before. Many was the time we just stood in awe looking at each other, wondering how the miracle had ever happened. What we didn’t know then, and what took me many years to learn after he had passed on, was that joy is our true nature. If that is so, then how do we re-claim what is inherently within us? Seeking joy when in the throes of grief would be like reaching for the moon. At least it was for me…

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The Journey of Grief: Turning the Corner No Comments

A friend of mine attended a funeral the other day. It happened to be the anniversary of her marriage and had her husband not died two years ago it would have been their fiftieth. As would be expected, that was a very hard day for her and having to attend a funeral could have added to her misery. In the midst of her thoughts and melancholy, she had a break through. They read the passage from the Bible about a time to live and a time to die. She had heard those words hundreds of times…

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A Pain Unlike Any Other No Comments

I am 57 years old and no stranger to loss. My first experience was when I was five years old. My father, Austin, abandoned my mother and me for reasons that are still unclear to me; I never saw my father again. When I was fourteen, my mother discovered that he had died when I was eleven years old. On March 11,1994, my mother Sadie, died of a massive bacterial infection. The death of my last surviving parent was extremely painful not only because my mother was a huge influence in my life, but also because I felt orphaned…

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Finding Emotional Harmony in Tragic Times No Comments

Have you ever said, “that won’t ever happen to me”? Research shows that 95% of the people in the US believe just that. Nothing will happen to them. It is also reported that at least 60% of US population has indeed been affected by tragedy. With all the fires, explosions, natural disasters along with the fear of terrorism are we starting to get “shock proof”? Are we saturated with grief? Did 9/11 numb us to the grief of other tragedies? Is it possible for us to ever become indifferent to the heartbreak of others? Too much stress can shut us down…

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